i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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