then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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