i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
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