I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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