A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
