ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
