I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
