That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
whose parrot is this?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
