I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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