This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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