I wannas sexs uuuuu
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
