i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
