nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
