I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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