I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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