so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
