if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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