I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
