So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
