Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
