On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
