Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
