You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
