He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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