I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sext me about skeletons
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
