I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
