so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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