Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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