my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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