I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
