she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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