Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
