you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
