The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
