I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
