Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You can't just leave with hair like that
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
