I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
