she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
