Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
