I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
