I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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