I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
