I'm gonna have a badass scar
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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