I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
