Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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