Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
