I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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