I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
