Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
