let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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