I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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