'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
