this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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