Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
