I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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